Yes my wife will tell me that I've run out of Artie jokes here, but then again she bought me Too Fat To Fish. Anyway, the Associated Press has reported that comedian Al Franken has been certified the winner of the Minnesota Senate Race. Norm Coleman will of course fight this in court, but thanks to the people of Minnesota and a little Barack Obama coattails we in this country have to deal with this clown in the Senate. I did a little work in this race and I can tell you that of all the races that I've worked on that lost, this is the craziest one.
Al Franken has no business being a US Senator. He has no real policies, but he made it in by bashing President Bush. His company failed to pay taxes or carry workers compensation. The guy is a clown and broke the law, but the people of Minnesota overlooked that and elected him anyway. When Minnesota elected Jesse Ventura a lot of people snickered, but not me. That's their state and they can do what they want but the US Senate effects all of us.
Seriously, that's awful. That's like New Jersey electing Artie Lange to the US Senate. Heck, I think Artie would make a better Senator than Al Franken and here's why....
TEN REASONS WHY ARTIE LANGE WOULD BE A BETTER SENATOR THAN AL FRANKEN
- Like a lot of members of Congress Artie has already been arrrested
- Sure Artie has a drug problem, but at least you know that going in and won't find that later on.
- Writing of drug problems, who better to help fight drug abuse then someone like Artie?
- Artie is a true rags to riches to on the rag and back to riches person. He never attended a classy place like Harvard to get his education
- Artie is a true working class person - driving a cab, working as a long shore man in Newark NJ. He understands the working man.
- Unlike other Senators, you're pretty sure Artie won't get caught soliciting a male police officer in the men's room of an airport.
- According to Artie he already has a long history of dealing with prostitutes but unlike Spitzer he won't need to transport them across state lines or overpay for sex.
- You already know he will work with labor Unions and is very liberal. That makes him attractive to NJ's most influential voting group the CWA which if it isn't already, will be representing the largest pool of workers - the NJ Government payroll.
- No need to worry about ties to organize crime; although Artie can help represent the gambling and casino groups since he can explain what a vig is...
- Finally, Artie has a huge following especially in the youth voting segment making it easier for Artie to get elected in NJ. You won't have to worry about long recounts because the youth vote will go in mass for him, plus the Unions, gamblers, drug addicts, pro-legalization of pot people, prostitution, Italians, the arts and entertainment, casino and horse racing industry, cab drivers. Heck he'd probably carry NJ by a much larger spread than Obama.
So since I'm pretty sure that Artie could win a US Senate Seat if he can survive until 2012 or until Frank Lautenberg goes on life support, I've bought the URL http://www.artielangeforsenate.com. You can email me now if you want to help.
PardonMyFrench and my joke,